spirit animals

I wrote this for the Varsity student paper, only to realise that there was no edition for this past week. I stole the idea from my friend Adam Kreek, but its a good way to introduce my teammates and take the piss out of them.

Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing to you the Cambridge Blue Boat of 2009:

Rob Weitemeyer - spirit animal: Chinchilla; small, fierce, but not too dangerous.  Likes all things Canadian, drives a big truck.

Henry Pelly - spirit animal: Hippopotamus; Large and in charge, kills more people than any other animal.  As a child he struggled at sport until his parents took him to the Molesport clinic.

Deaglan McEachern - spirit animal: Horse, specifically Seabiscuit.  Deaglan is a personal speechwriter for President Obama.

Peter Marsland - spirit animal: lion; strong, powerful, vain. Described by teammate as “the 'muscle' for a vampire clan”.

Thomas Ransley - spirit animal: yak; quiet, pensive, hairy.  Before coming to Cambridge served as a submarine commander in the Navy.

Hardy Cubasch - spirit animal: peacock; loud, flamboyant, beautiful plumage.  Looking for: long walks on the beach and companionship on his worldwide Winnebago adventure.

Ryan Monaghan - spirit animal: Jar Jar Binks; “But meesa done nutten!”  favourite food: tuna with muesli. Have you seen: his passport? I think its somewhere in France.

Silas Stafford - spirit animal: sloth. Quote: “Ive got a Golden ticket!”

Rebecca Dowbiggin - spirit animal: weasel. Looking for: a strong man to swoop in and take her away to a life of romance. 

accompanied by the Goldie reserve crew, the mighty Glodamiche!

James Strawson - spirit animal: prize dairy cow, probably named Betsy.

Dan O’Shaughnessy - spirit animal: Hyena. Nickname: meatloaf, cause he’s made of meat, sorta.

Code Sternal - spirit animal: Dolphin; cheery, boisterous, performs tricks.  He isn’t “Flipper the dolphin”, but he is Flipper’s trusty dolphin friend.

John Clay - spirit animal: Clydesdale; grew a dirty porn-stache as a joke but kept it.

Shane O’Mara - spirit animal: mangy fox; youtube: “crack fox”. 

Joel Jennings - spirit animal: Golden retriever; bouncy, always down for a friendly game of fetch.

George Nash - spirit animal: Orangutan; ape-like proportions, ginger, goofy antics.

Fred Gill - spirit animal: middle-aged English bloke from Blackburn. he’s not actually middle-aged or from Blackburn, but he will be.

Helen Hodges - Muskrat; small, furry.  Often mistaken for: Ginnie Weasley.

The spares:

Joseph Baddeley - spirit animal: sheep: thick torso, wooly fur.

Jim Houghton - spirit animal: mountain goat. emphasis on goat.

Julian Granger-Bevan - spirit animal: coyote; scavenger.

Sasha Kasas - spirit animal: migratory bird; difficult to locate.

Giles Moon - spirit animal: rat.  Known as: “the kiss of death”.  Favourite type of cutlery: spoon.

ps I have a mullet today.