we lost.

Its three days out, and I still dont feel like a normal person.   One of my teamates described it as "feeling flat, all the time".  It almost feels as though I have had a death in the family.  For me recovering from a loss is a grieving process.  This morning I woke up and felt great for about twenty minutes until I remembered the loss, and came plummeting down.  So much of my existence in Cambridge was oriented towards winning that race, and now that I've lost the race I feel a bit disoriented.  Never before had a I been so confident or so well prepared for a race.  We rowed well, but not perfectly, and there are a million what if's to consider; what if we had chosen the opposite station? what if we had not effed up the start? what if I had not called for a big push at St. Pauls?  What if we had had fewer injuries and illnesses throughout the season?  These questions are innumerable, and I could think about them forever. probably will.  for a long time.

The truth is that I think the better crew won.  Beforehand, when people asked me if I though we would win, my response was: "I believe will win, and if we dont it will take an exceptional crew to beat us".  I think Oxford was an exceptional crew, and they deserved to win.  Had we rowed perfectly we could have won, but nobody ever rows the boatrace perfectly.

Thanks to all those who wished me good luck and condolences.  I truly appreciated the encouragement I have received.  My Stanford buddies Dave Creighton, Eric Adamson, and Ben Briggs came out to watch the race, and it was really good to have them around afterwards to distract me.  My parents and sister were also around which was a joy as well.