the future of my rowing

Its been some time since Henley, a bit more since bumps, and quite a bit more since the boat race. All in all, I lost a lot of races this season. I'm not feeling dejected, or like a loser, but I am tired of losing. really tired. Ive already written about the pain of losing the boat race. I liken it to the death of a friend (melodramatic but accurate). Bumps was really fun, but in failing to take the headship really made me feel for my younger teammates, many of whom have never known winning in rowing. Losing Henley was difficult just because of how close it was, and how much the loss depended on me; We had our revenge race against Oxford in our hands, only to lose it in the final meters. I steered poorly, which could easily have accounted for the 1 foot margin.

All in all, I am incredibly thankful for the incredible year I have had. Coming to Cambridge has been amazing, and taking place in the Boat Race was truly an honor. I am a happy camper. I lead an incredibly blessed and fortunate life.

However, after losing Henley I realised that I have been trying to minimise risk with my rowing. That is, I have rowed while trying not to mess up the rest of my life. This is mostly by investing significant energy in my grades and social life, often at the cost of my rowing. I have done the "norm" of training expected of me and my teammates, and trained probably as hard as my opponents have. This has afforded me the opportunity to compete in some very prestigious competitions, and to be very close to the top in those competitions.

However, losing close to the top hurts a lot more than losing close to the bottom. I want to win. It is very apparent to me that winning will require exceptional sacrifice. I now enter a much bigger and more competetive sphere of rowing (first getting selected out of the whole US, then competing against the world). It will be impossible to win in this sphere while minimising risk. In short, I am feeling extraordinarily motivated to take risks with my life in pursuit of excellence of rowing. I am fully prepared to be poor, to have less fun, and to put my non-rowing dreams on hold for the next three years.

I'm currently working on my dissertation for the next few weeks (blogging while my computer churns out data). After that its to Poland to watch world champs, then to Moscow for a race, then to Iceland. Then back to California! I'm going to be training at California Rowing Club in Alameda, living in the Bay Area, and working enough to pay for my rowing habit. I'll write a less melodramatic and happier post about my travels in the past months when I get the chance.